I dun get why sum ppl can be so fixated on their frens.
Friends are part of your life. They are not YOUR life.
Everyone has troubles maintaining relationships. As you proceed from 1 stage of your life to another, you’re bound to see an increase in the number of people you care for (if you don’t then I’m sorry, but I do, so there). With work being such a huge part of our lives, a lot of times, time itself is not within my control. I dun bore ppl with details of my work and its circumstances, but if I think I can make it, I say so. If it turns out I can’t in the end, I tell you so too. I dun try to explain too much, cos I dun see the need to. But if you read too much into that and assume ppl are just insincere, you’re just putting way too much of your life’s CG on your circle of friends.
It was fine for me to have missed out this gathering simply because (a.) I have commitments to my work and my colleagues and (b.) I just met the person who mattered a couple of weeks ago. I dun demand to see my close friends 24/7, not even once a week, not once every fortnight. Not even once a month. I am perfectly ok seeing them as and when it suits us. And I love it that way. It feels so easy to maintain such friendships. No burden or pressure to make sure you meet up frequently enough to justify the effort being put into the maintenance of the friendship. Why even the need to justify something that should come naturally, and feels natural and easy?? The need to show that you ARE indeed putting in effort is so pretentious, and frankly tiring.
And to be honest, I cannot recall a single time I got sorely disappointed and pissed when an engagement was called off because one or more couldn’t make it. Maybe it’s just me. But to me, those friends are people whom I will always have a chance to meet up again, even though the gathering this time round was canceled. So why dwell on it? If they are friends I wouldn’t see again for a long LONG time just because the engagement this time round was canceled, chances are I wouldn’t be bothered by the cancellation in the very first place. If they are friends I’m really really close with, chances are there WILL BE plenty of opportunities to set up another gathering, either immediate or a few weeks down the road. So why allow yourself to be so affected by things like these?
Everyone takes a different perspective, sure. For me, I dun try to see myself as such an important person to ANY ONE person in my life. And I dun bother to make an effort to BE such an important person to ANY ONE person in my life. And there you have it, that’s me. I am not the kind of person who would take a bus and send a friend home when his/her house is in the complete opposite direction of mine, just because it is already very late at night. At least not under general circumstances. Etc etc. I am not. I won’t be the kind of person who SMSes you or whatsapp you or FB you or phone you from time to time just to get your update. If I feel that both of us have already reached that stage where I feel I am very very VERY comfortable with you already, my stand is that that level of comfort between us should be able to stand up to the challenges of time. If it doesn’t, then I’m sorry, it just shows that we can be friends, but never the closest kind. If it does, then I’ll just leave everything to the natural flow of things. I won’t deliberately organize something just so we can meet up frequent enough to justify that “closeness” we supposedly have. In that sense, it makes me treasure such friendships even more, because I can still talk and chat and laugh and relate to you so comfortably even though we only meet up once in a while.
After 2 of my 3 closest frens (who understands way too much about me) left early this year for their exchange, I didn’t meet the remaining one until about 2 to 3 months later, and yet nth felt out of place. Neither one of us begrudge the other for not organizing a meet up earlier on, and we don’t necessarily feel awkward with one another after so long. Everything just clicked when we eventually met up.
Try and rmb the times when they did turn up, instead of those when they didn’t…? Not everyone is capable of giving things their undivided attention ALL the time, so live and let live. When it’s obvious they’re making an excuse not to come at the very last minute, instead of seeing it as just being insincere, and you not important enough in their lives, just try and give it to them once. People get tired. People get sudden mood swings. People get caught in circumstances beyond their control. People get swamped by commitments. And most of all, as much and as often as we like to give you top priority, people get stuck in situations where they have to assign their top priority of the day, and nobody should expect to be assigned it all the time. In this world we’re living in, at this age, there are way too many relationships and varying circumstances that demands our attention and energy, and frankly, when I have to choose, I do choose. Trying to make everyone happy is simply too tiring. And I am tired of being tired just so everyone else is happy but me.
Sometimes we are people’s top priority. Sometimes we aren’t. Never expect the former to be constant, and the latter will never let you down.
I’m turning in.
